for you jagger, I love you

the day before they confined me to the back bedroom with the door locked for 1 1/2 years, it was me and you, and somehow you always knew, how to bring a smile to my face, laghter from my pain, color to my eyes, and warmth to my heart- life to my lungs. purpose i forgot was in my soul that you only saw. what a cherished day before one of my biggest pains. it came, i was shoved in that lonley traumatizing room- my scariest place. i couldnt go anywhere but there, i couldnt see anybody not even my siblings. i only saw the man who called himself my father, but here's my little secret- to me he's only the sperm doner. i could never leave that empty back room, he would bring me food and other stuff only he thought i needed, and of course himself. he gave my mother fake affection and love, then i would hear his footsteps in the hallway getting closer and closer (my goodness i can still hear them now) at the same time every night he was in there with me, except i was enslaved and he was roaming free like a beast. he would stay for a few hours with the door closed- ill let you fill in the blanks there. but this one time my little brother slid his fingers underneath the door when i was crying storms and i ran for my life to that door, crashing into it with the power of 100 tsunamis and i grabbed his hand so passionately and desperately and soaked up as much as i could. my best friend, the only one who could talk to me, love me, and know my feelings, knowing me through the door, even in silence. - there were many things said through that pure innocent connection, they were just unspoken to others. i wept, even more, when i heard his voice, when i heard him whisper "chloe"- my heart broke and filled up at the same time. i mised him i missed his voice, his smile, his laughter, our stupid goofiness, our cautious laughter, our unbreakable bond. my bestfrind. my brother. he didn't forget me, he didn't leave me, he loved me and he missed me just the same. the first and only one to. how honored i am to have the pleasure of being someone you love and you, someone whom i love. pure and innocent childlike love will never fade away with us. it only grows we never let go. -one of those things said, just unspoken to others. that day, my life was saved, i didn't go through with what would take me from this world forever, that day-just for him i wrote myself "you are going to want to give up again. dont." - me at 14