weakened

In a world of pain kindness is the most hardest to obtain. We fall to our knees screaming, but no one hears a thing. We cry till we run dry all along drowning in the abyss of our own pain. See in this world pain urges to be felt, and if we push it out we only numb ourselves. We only kill ourselves with that which we can not feel. We cant avoid living and we cant escape the truths of feeling. We can push till there is nothing left and we can build our walls unbreakable, but the one thing we cant refuse ourselves...the one very simple pure thing we all fall weak to, the one thing we invite in unceasingly with full control. That my friend is love. See we are selfish creatures who demand to be loved. We can not live alone yet what we seek when we are in the deepest of our despairs is loneliness. And in the end after we've pushed everyone out, numbed what we feel, and found ourselves stuck in a hole we've dug ourselves. A hole that contains the destruction that we've made, the pain we've avoided, and the happiness we deny ourselves. How can we even deserve love? Ask for love and want for love? How can we even try to control who loves us and who we desire to love? It never works that way and it never will. Why do we even try to convince ourselves we deserve it when in reality we’ve pushed it all away- Why is it we only see the pain we cause after there gone, after we are gone, after everything is gone? Why do most of us only notice the destruction after it’s done and then ask for love in return? Do we then and only then regret the ways we tried to kill the pain? Regret the people we've hurt including ourselves along the way? If so, why don't we change?