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Here I am again feeling it all too much....its killing me. From me was stripped happiness, smiles, color, motivation, saneness, and energy. It knocked on my door, I welcomed it in not knowing it would find shelter within my head. Not knowing it would never leave, this monster with no face and no body. This dark silent monster that i only saw, this monster took all the light in my eyes, every beat of my heart, and all emotion within me. I welcomed it in like a new friendly feeling, little did i know this was not just my friend, but my reflection. Little did I know this thief not only took space within me but ran everything else out. Little did I know the demands of this monster, it demanded I take care of it, give life to it, and grow it to fill out throughout my arms, legs, toes, fingertips, and so big that it would pound against my chest clawing to be let free... into something bigger than the dried up lifeless corpse its turned me into. How naive..I thought of it as a friend when knocking upon my door begging to be let in for nothing and nobody else wanted this monster. How weak I am to allow it to take home within my head, to take practice within my chest, and to take space up in my heavy soul. This monster loved me so much it took all of me replacing who I was with its own tragedies demanding to be felt. My remains were tossed out the back door never to be brought back in, the monster said let go of who you are and what brings you joy for I couldn't be selfish, it demanded i take care of it. Nothing was my own. The monster said take me, make me your own and so I nourished and took ownership of this deadly broken monster. Nobody loved it, nobody wanted it. How could i deny it of love and want when I myself only want to be loved and wanted within a home that's all my own? The monster wanted a friend, I gave it one, and it ripped every last thing I had away from me, stripped me down to nothing, and tore my petals off one by one. Little did I know ALL it wanted was control over me. Little did i know not only did it want a home but a kingdom to rule. Little did I know it didn't just demand a friend but demanded a slave. And little did I know it didn't just want to be wanted but it wanted to be needed. And in the end the dark, horrible, life taking monster didn't want love it just wanted something to take, something to make it powerful and it succeeded. The monster took me. The monsters name is depression.

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